Under the stars (give yourself to harmony)
by soso226
Summary: Lena and Kara grow up together, grow apart together. But can a Super and a Luthor really stay away from each other? or The 'A Super and a Luthor growing up together AU' no one asked for


**A/N: hey guys**

 **it's quite long**

 **hope you like it**

 **Disclaimer: I do NOT own Supergirl.**

* * *

Kara Zor-El has always been special. Even before she landed here, on this strange new world her cousin calls home.

Her cousin, no longer that tiny being she has taken care of so many times before, but a grown man, an alien on this planet – this _Earth_ as they call it – turning into a superhero because this world desperately needs one.

Her cousin, whom she is supposed to be taking care of, to raise in this new world, doesn't need her help anymore. Instead, Kal-El – _Clark_ as he calls himself – tells her he is going to help _her_ , the same twelve-year-old girl who has just lost her entire world, even though it has been decades.

How can anyone help her? How can anyone erase that memory of her parents putting her in that pod and saving her by making her carry the burden of an entire lost world on her frail shoulders?

Because sometimes, Kara feels like she is carrying that entire burden all alone. Her cousin always refuses to talk about Krypton, he says there's no point in talking about something that's forgotten. In his case, it has never really existed, but for Kara, it is entirely different. Kara knows she will never forget. She would never forget her mother's tears as the pod launched. She would never forget her father's hollow eyes as he made the choice to send his daughter away, with the mission to protect her cousin.

Now that Kara is here and that her cousin doesn't need her protection, what is she supposed to do?

"You have to seem ordinary, just like everyone else," Kal-El says. "The Danvers will help you with that. They will be your family now. They will make you happy."

Kara has a family. Kal-El is all that is left of that family, and it feels like he's saying goodbye too.

She must admit he is right about some things. The Danvers are great. They try to make her feel safe, make her feel _home_. But Kara is very far away from her home, a home that doesn't even exist anymore, and they want to make her believe she can have a place in this world?

But then there is Alex. At first, she doesn't seem to like her much the more time Kara spends with her. And yet, two months at Midvale, and Kara cannot imagine a world without Alex anymore, and her _adoptive sister_ doesn't seem to think she's a burden to carry anymore.

Yet Kara feels exactly like that. A burden. All the time.

She can't use her powers. She can't do anything she so desperately wants to do.

Her powers. She has struggled with them at first. Hearing everything is too overwhelming. When she first gets to school, she gets terrible grades because she can't focus on the teacher in the room, instead focusing on the class at the other end of the school, often Alex's class. She has learned to cover her ears right before the bell rings, and squints her eyes shut when too many people are around, in the school's yard or the cafeteria, because she can't stand to see their _bones_ anymore.

She's seen as the weirdo, and that doesn't really help her fit in.

Jeremiah makes her glasses when he sees her struggles. She tries to call her cousin, to ask Kal-El how he does it, with the superhearing and everything else, how he doesn't crush people with just a hug or a simple handshake.

At first Kal-El – _Clark_ as he reminds her all the time – does not answer. Then he finally does, but Kara has to admit he is not very helpful, and she feels more alone than ever.

Three months on this Earth, and she gets her first panic attack. She does not know what is happening to her. She is suffocating. Is it because she is an alien? Clark has never told her about that. Is she dying? Would she see her mother and father again? Her aunt?

Alex is the one to find her, alone, in their room. She seems to know what's happening to her, to know what to do.

Kara can barely feel it, but she sees Alex's hands on her shoulders. Alex is speaking but she can't quite make out the words. Then she finally hears her.

"Focus on my voice, Kara."

Her adoptive sister continues to talk Kara through it, and Kara tries as hard as she can to steady her breathing, because Alex tells her to breathe, in, then out, and Kara realizes she forgot about that part, the out.

An hour later, Kara is fast asleep on Alex's lap. It's the first night she has nightmares about Krypton, about her family.

She hasn't gone through a single night without nightmares since.

Alex never lets go, she promises to always be there for her.

Kara believes her. She doesn't quite know what it is about Alex that makes her believe her every word, but she does.

This panic attack won't be the last, Kara knows that. She knows this feeling in her chest will never go away.

She thinks it's unfair. It's unfair that she had to lose her entire world. The people she loved most. She even lost herself too. It's so unfair and Kara wants to scream and destroy everything around her. She feels that emptiness, that void, and she has no idea what to do with it.

(She has to fill that void. One way or another, she has to. Or it will swallow her whole.)

There is that voice in her head.

 _Don't let it swallow you. Don't let it win. You have to fight, Kara. You were always a fighter. So keep fighting._

It's awfully similar to her mother's voice, and Kara wants nothing more than to feel her arms around her. The arms in which she would always feel safe, protected against everything.

 _You're a Kryptonian, Kara. Stand proud. Hold your head high._

She does exactly that. Kara stands. Her head proud. Her smile so bright it can outshine the sun itself.

(But it doesn't. She can feel it. Her smile rarely ever reaches her eyes.)

Kara Zor-El has always been special.

/

Lena Luthor is a special girl.

That's what Lena keeps hearing every day at least.

She's not sure people mean that as a compliment. In fact, she's quite sure they don't.

Her last name grants her favors from everyone. She gets free passes for everything. Outside her home.

Because in her home, there's no free pass, only mistakes. No matter what she does, to Lillian Luthor, Lena always does it wrong. So at some point – she's not sure when exactly – Lena stops trying.

She works for herself, gets the bests of grades, is the archetype of the perfect student, and she keeps a low profile in every other aspect of her life, at school or at home.

That's why when her father tells her that night they're moving to Midvale, she doesn't understand why he's trying to punish her.

"I like my school here. Why do we have to leave Metropolis?"

It's a lie, Lena hates her school. Full of mean students, and the adults are even worse. They think no one notices anything, but Lena is alone most of the time, so she watches, and more often than not, she doesn't like what she sees.

It doesn't mean she wants to leave though. It's what she's used to now, it's familiar.

"I want to give Lex the opportunity to find out what it means to be the CEO of a company such as Luthor-Corp. I'm going to give him the reins of our Midvale industry. It's still small, but very challenging. I want him to learn, and there's no better way for that than to dive deep into the unknown."

Of course, Lex.

As much as Lena loves her brother, everything has always revolved around him and his bright future. What Lena wants and needs never really matters in this _family_.

Lex doesn't fully realize this, so Lena doesn't blame him. Maybe she should, but she just doesn't. She loves her brother, and he always makes her feel better about everything.

So yes, Lena realizes she has no choice. She nods to her father and realizes that once again, her parents hadn't meant to punish Lena, but they still do in a way, by sidelining her as if she doesn't really matter.

Maybe she doesn't, but she is a special girl.

/

When Lena gets to Midvale during the summer and spends her first days there, she hates it. It's small and she doesn't see how she can escape her mother in such a small city.

Then she finds out there are plenty of empty places around the city. Places people never go to because they think they're not anything special, but they feel so special to Lena.

She starts going to an empty beach every day, just for a couple of hours before she has to return home, to her mother.

At some point, another girl starts showing up every day, and Lena stops going, because it's her place to be alone, so this girl is an annoyance.

The girl never sees her, Lena always retreats before she has a chance to.

She guesses she has to find another spot.

Too bad, she really likes that spot.

/

Lena can't really explain it, but one day she decides to go back to the empty – or almost empty – beach.

The girl is here again, but this time, Lena doesn't flee.

She hears the waves, and she swears she hears the girl's sadness in the waves.

Lena knows what being sad looks like. She sees it in the mirror every day.

She chooses to stay, and even more, she wants to speak to this girl.

/

"You alright? You look like you're something other than alright."

The question surprises Kara, because nobody outside her family ever asks if she is alright.

Kara tells herself that it's on her, that she's the one hiding it all behind a radiant smile. Still, it's nice but also terrifying to have a perfect stranger asking if she's alright.

When she doesn't answer right away, the raven-haired girl must think she said something wrong because she backtracks. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to be nosey. I just thought you might want to talk, that's all."

The girl makes a move to leave but Kara stops her. "No!" She takes a deep breath to speak in a softer voice. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I was just lost in my thoughts."

Kara shakes her head and meets the girl's eyes with a smile. That's when she really looks at her. Green eyes and chubby cheeks. Raven hair that seem to never end. That girl is the definition of beautiful.

Kara invites the girl to sit with her on the sand. She loves that spot in Midvale. It might be her favorite, and she hasn't even explored it all yet. She likes Midvale.

She knows everyone in the city though, and she has never seen that girl, now sitting next to her.

Kara frowns when she realizes the girl chose to sit really far from her, as if proximity makes her uncomfortable. She shrugs and doesn't question it, instead looking down at her own feet in the sand.

"Are you new here?"

The girl looks at her with shy eyes and Kara knows she feels anxious. The fidgeting of her fingers in the sand, those fleeing eyes never quite fixed on anything. Kara is pretty sure she knows how anxious the girl feels right now. She tries to divert her attention, like Alex does with her sometimes.

"Hey, do you see this?"

Kara points to a shiny little thing far away in the distance. She knows it's a city they can barely see from their side of the water, but if the girl is new here, she doesn't know that.

The girl weakly nods and Kara smiles.

"This, is the safest place in the world. You just have to look at it, and it instantly gives you the protection you need. You can feel it around you. Try and focus on it."

The girl seems skeptical and yet she does as Kara says. She focuses on the tiny shiny spot and they remain quiet for a long time.

Kara doesn't mind. Just having someone sitting next to her is enough for her to feel a bit better, she doesn't mind not talking. The silence can be soothing when shared.

Kara is surprised when she hears the girl talk.

"I'm from Metropolis, but my parents moved here a week ago. They say it's just for the summer, but I think they want to stay longer than that."

Kara doesn't ask anymore questions, she thinks the girl doesn't really like being questioned. But she did make the first step by talking to Kara, so Kara thinks she should take a step forward too.

"I'm Kara. Kara Danvers. I… moved here a few months ago. I can show you around if you'd like."

Kara smiles and the girl returns it. It's still shy, but Kara thinks it's already a big step.

"Sure, I'd like that."

/

Kara later finds out the girl's name is Lena Luthor, and when she mentions her at dinner that night with the Danvers, they all frown, even Alex.

"They just moved here you say?" Jeremiah Danvers asks, and Kara nods.

He turns to her wife with a knowing look on his face, and Kara feels lost again. Can someone explain to an alien why they all seem so worried?

She turns to Alex, giving her a puzzled look.

Alex sighs. "The Luthors are a rich family of… entrepeuneurs. They own this big company, Luthor-Corp. It's just weird they moved here in a small city like Midvale. It can only be bad news for the city."

Kara frowns and she still doesn't understand. "Why? Lena seems really nice. Why would it be bad news that her family is here?"

Eliza steps in. "It's always about business with the Luthors. It's just weird they would try and expand their business here."

Kara just nods, as if that should make sense even though it doesn't, and she eats in silence, not listening to the rest of the conversation.

She thinks back to Lena's shy smile from earlier that day. That shy smile couldn't be bad news. Kara can't explain it, but she knows Lena has lost a lot.

 _Just like me._

Kara really hopes she will see that smile again, and make it grow bigger, just like she tries to make her own smile grow bigger everyday.

/

Kara does see Lena again. Two days later, when she goes back to her favorite spot, Lena is there, seated in the exact same spot she was when Kara was there too.

Kara silently sits a bit closer than they had the last time they were here. Lena doesn't turn her head, she keeps her eyes on the shiny spot Kara showed her the other day. She is aware Kara is here though, because she extends her hand on the sand, and Kara takes it without any hesitation.

They just sit in silence that day. The comfort of the other's hand being worth a thousand words.

/

Without even knowing how it happens, Kara and Lena make it their favorite spot. Kara offers to show Lena the city again, but Lena always has an excuse, and she never stays long on the beach either. It's like she always has somewhere else to be.

Kara knows not to question it, but she still feels sad whenever she watches Lena leave.

One day, The Danvers' words pop up in Kara's head, and she has to ask.

"Lena?"

Lena's eyes rest on their intertwined fingers. "Mmh?"

"When I told the Danvers about your family moving here, they said it was bad news."

Lena removes her hand in a blink, as if Kara's touch is suddenly burning her, and Kara instantly regrets asking.

"They're wrong obviously! You're the best thing that happened to me this summer. But I just wanted to know why they would say such a thing."

Lena looks up and meets Kara's eyes. She looks on the verge of tears, but she doesn't seem sad and hurt like before. She takes Kara's hand again.

"My family has… a bit of a bad reputation. You have never heard of us?"

Kara shakes her head and she feels Lena squeezing her fingers.

"That's probably for the best," Lena simply answers with a wry smile and she rests her head on Kara's shoulder.

"I think Midvale is very lucky to have you," Kara states in an earnest tone. "I'm very lucky to have you."

She pretends she doesn't feel the wetness on her shoulder. She pretends Lena isn't crying, because if Lena wanted to talk about it, Kara knows she would talk to her. So instead, Kara wraps an arm around Lena's waist and holds her tightly.

/

The summer goes by in a flash, and soon Kara has to go back to school.

Lena's family has decided to stay, just as the girl thought they would.

"Will you be there tomorrow?"

Lena tilts her head and asks, "Where?"

"At school."

Lena smiles and nods. "I'll be there."

Kara grins and takes Lena's hand, bouncing around her happily. "Yes! I can introduce you to Alex, and show you around school!"

Lena breathes in, and Kara knows she's trying to keep her anxiety in check at the idea of meeting so many people the next day.

Kara stops bouncing and just lays her head on Lena's shoulder, squeezing her hand. "I promise you'll love tomorrow."

/

Lena is one grade below Kara, two below Alex.

Kara keeps her promise. Lena loves her first day at school, and the days after that as well.

Not because of the teachers making it clear they're at her beck and call because she's a Luthor, but because Kara is there whenever she can.

Lena doesn't know how she does it, but she's always waiting for her at the end of her classes, even though she knows Kara's classes are on the other side of the building.

Lena isn't about to question it, because she loves knowing that when the bell rings, Kara is there, on the other side of the door.

Lena is always the first out of the classroom, and the last one to enter.

She becomes worried Kara is going to get in trouble for always being late, but by some miracle, Kara is never late to her own classes.

There are a lot of strange things happening when Kara is around. Lena has stopped trying to think of an explanation, because none of what Lena can think of makes any sense, so she just lets it go.

It's easier that way. She has a friend (Kara is her _only_ friend), and she knows no matter what Kara is hiding from her, it doesn't change their friendship.

 _It never will_ , Lena promises herself.

/

"Hey!" Kara comes in Lena's classroom all excited and she's almost bouncing. She does that whenever she is truly happy and Lena grins. She loves seeing Kara happy. "Look at what the Danvers got me!"

She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a brand-new cellphone, blue, just like Kara's eyes and Lena smiles even brighter.

"Kara that's amazing! Now we can talk all the time!"

Lena's smile fades a bit. She hasn't meant to sound so eager. She gathers her stuff but stops when she feels a hand on her arm.

"I know, Lena. That's the first thing I thought when Eliza told me. I can talk to you and Alex whenever I want now."

Kara's smile brings back Lena's.

Lena's had a cellphone since she was eight. Her mother has always said a Luthor should be reached at any time of the day, so she had bought her eight-year-old daughter a cellphone; which has remained empty of any numbers except for her parents' and brother's.

 _Until now_ , Lena thinks.

/

Kara texts Lena that night, and she never stops texting her since.

/

It's been six months since Kara and Lena became the best of friends. The teachers call them the wonder twins, and Lena isn't sure she's so happy about that. It feels like Kara's light is shining on her too, making the people around her hate her a bit less. But not because she doesn't deserve the hate or wariness, just because she's friend with the right person.

Lena definitely doesn't like that.

Not that she blames Kara for it. The girl has nothing to do with this. But still, Lena sometimes wants to scream and yell at people to see _her_ , Lena, not just her last name.

They're sitting at their favorite spot now. It's barely half an hour after school, but Lena knows she has to go home soon or her mother will be on her back again. Her family doesn't know about Kara, or anything really, and Lena wants it to stay that way.

Kara notices Lena's lost in her thoughts again, and she knows it's never a good thing. So Kara does what she always does in those moments, she creates a distraction.

Lena smiles just as Kara opens her mouth.

"Hey, you know what the Danvers told me last night?"

Lena looks at her friend fondly and tilts her head to the side.

"No. What?"

"They said that since your family wants to spend the summer in Metropolis, maybe you could stay with us. If you want to, and if your mother agrees, of course."

Kara looks at her sheepishly, she rarely ever looks that shy. Lena knows she's been anxious to tell her about this.

Lena smiles a bright smile, even though she knows her mother will never agree to this, her being away for an entire summer. She tugs on a strand of Kara's blond hair while the girl adjusts her glasses. She always does that. Lena finds it endearing.

"I'll ask my dad about it, we'll see about my mom."

Kara is so happy at the possibility of spending her summer with Lena, the girl doesn't want to take that away from her. It's not technically a lie, she will ask her dad about it.

A thought occurs to Lena. Or rather, it's always been on her mind, but right now it's at the forefront. She's never dared to ask. That day, Lena feels bold enough to do so.

"You always refer to them as the Danvers. Why is that?"

Kara smiles, but this time it's bitter, crooked.

Lena takes her hand and rubs her thumb over Kara's palm without thinking about it.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's okay."

Kara turns to face her and Lena sits up straighter, as if bracing herself for what's next.

"You're my friend, Lena. My best friend. You deserve to know."

Those words. _Best friend_. Lena doesn't think she will ever be tired of hearing them.

"I told you I moved here almost a year ago right?"

Lena nods.

"Right. Well I wasn't with the Danvers before. They adopted me when… when I lost my parents."

Kara's voice cracks at the last words and Lena throws her arms around the girl's neck just as the first sob escapes her throat.

"Kara, we don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry I asked."

"No."

Kara unclenches her fists and lets go of Lena's shirt to look her in the eye.

"I need to talk about it. I don't talk about it with anyone, not even Alex. I don't think it would be fair of me to talk to her about it."

"Why do you say that?" Lena asks as she softly dries the tears from her friend's cheeks.

"Because they were kind enough to take me in. Alex has become a true sister to me. She already helps me through so much. I don't want her to know about how hard it is, even if she tries to be here. I don't want her to know how _alone_ I've been feeling."

Another sob.

Lena hugs her again, and suddenly, she thinks maybe Kara is less alone than she thinks.

"Kara, can I tell you something?"

Lena pulls away and takes Kara's hands in her own softly.

"I was adopted when I was four. I barely remember my biological mother, but still, I have enough memories to know I'm not truly a Luthor, and mother never fails to remind me of that. As if I could ever forget."

She feels Kara's pressure on her hands, and Lena hates herself for letting a tear escape her eye.

"What I'm trying to say here, Kara, is that I know what loneliness feels like. I know all about feeling like you don't belong here, like you don't have any place in this world. But ever since I met you, Kara, I know these feelings are wrong."

Kara's tears intensify but Lena knows that it's not necessarily a bad thing. She lets the girl cry and she tries to steady her own breathing.

"You showed me I am more than what people say I am. You showed me I could do great things when I grow up. Let me show you that you belong here, even if your family isn't here to show you. You're not alone, Kara."

Kara cries for an hour after that. With every sob, it feels like it's getting worse. Lena lets her cry.

They're not touching. Lena knows Kara wants some space, so Lena just sits next to her, not too close, not too far either. She waits, patiently. She cries a bit too, silently. She looks to the shiny spot in front of them. It doesn't seem so shiny with the clouds above their heads.

Lena knows she will get in trouble with Lillian, but she doesn't care. Her friend needs her here. Kara needs her here. So Lena stays.

After what seems like forever – and yet, Lena is sure an eternity couldn't be enough to make Kara's pain go away – Kara stops sobbing. She gets up, dries the stray of tears that are left on her cheeks. She holds a hand to Lena and helps her up.

Kara has this little smile Lena sometimes sees when Kara thinks she's not looking.

(But Lena's always looking. That's what she does. She pays attention.)

Only this time, this smile is directed at her.

It's genuine and bright enough to make Lena smile as well.

They don't say anything, until Kara takes her hand and lays their forehead together.

"You're my family, Lena. I'll always have your back."

Lena lets a single tear roll down her cheeks, but this time she doesn't hate it. This time, this tear is a happy one, and Lena smiles even brighter because she knows Kara tells the truth. She knows Kara will always be there.

/

Lena gets there as soon as she hears the news. Alex is the one to tell her. Jeremiah Danvers died.

She finds the girl running away from the Danvers' household, and Lena runs after her.

Kara doesn't stop until she reaches their beach, and Lena stays behind her, not knowing what to say.

The girl has lost both of her parents – and much more, Lena _knows_ – and now she has to lose her adoptive father too. What could she possibly say to make it go away?

Lena decides she doesn't have to say anything, and she just wraps her arms around the other girl's neck.

(Kara has always been taller than her, but in that moment, she feels so small against Lena's chest.)

Lena hates the universe for taking everything from the girl who deserves nothing but light.

Lena lets Kara cry, and an hour passes before Kara knows she has to get back. For Alex. For Eliza.

Lena looks at the not so shiny spot across the water. She wonders where its protection went.

/

They're teenagers now. Lena is sixteen, Kara is turning eighteen next month. Soon, she'll go to college in National City, and Lena will go back to Metropolis.

They remain closer than ever, even if the innocent touches of their childhood are now only a memory.

They don't hold hands like they used to. They don't snuggle up on Kara's couch like they used to. But their connection never fades away, even if it changes, which Lena hopes is for the better.

Lena has come out to Kara about a year ago, and Kara told her she already knew. She had joked about that one time Lena and Kara had watched 'Imagine Me & You' and how Lena had grown very quiet, blushing for about two hours before she finally left Kara's house at full speed.

" _No way you were straight, Lena."_

Lena smiles at the memory. Kara's laughter echoing in her ears, the light red of her cheeks, the blue of her eyes engraved on her eyeslids.

Her favorite part had been Kara's next words.

" _You know, I didn't get it at first. Not because you're a lesbian. Just because I didn't see why people made it a big deal. Back on… back where I lived, sexuality wasn't a big deal. Gender wasn't either. We didn't have all these labels and boxes to sort people into."_

Lena had wanted to joke about how she wanted to live there and never come back, but she knew it would hurt Kara, so she hadn't. Lena can't explain why, but she's always had a feeling that the place Kara sometimes talked about, the place she comes from doesn't exist anymore, as if it has been… blown away and forgotten by everyone but Kara.

One night, Lena joins Kara on the rooftop of the Danvers house. She isn't supposed to be there, neither is Kara, but Lena has the feeling Kara needs to be there, watching the stars.

Then Kara gets closer to the edge, looking down on the ground way below them. (It's not that high, Lena knows, but she's always been a bit afraid of heights.)

Lena's first thought is to be afraid, because what if Kara wants to jump?

Fear. Because Lena knows Kara has been through hell, and she's still trying to come back from it, in spite of every smile she throws at the world, as if everything is perfectly fine, as if the world isn't all messed up.

Fear. Because what if Kara is choosing to give up? Because what if it's all too much for her? What if instead of getting used to the pain, she wants everything to stop?

Fear. Because Lena is willing to give Kara anything she needs, anything she wants. But what if none of that is enough? What if Alex, Lena, Eliza, what if none of them are enough to make it easier for Kara to breathe?

Then, Lena takes a deep breath. This is Kara, strong, and brave Kara. Kara never gives up. And Lena knows, she remembers, even if Kara jumps, she will be safe. Once again, Lena can't explain why. She just has this unfathomable feeling in her chest, the feeling that she's had every piece of the puzzle that is Kara Danvers displayed right in front of her, but she's been maybe too afraid to put them together.

Lena trusts Kara. That is worth everything to the both of them.

She gets closer to the edge, stands close to Kara, even though she's afraid of heights and she might slip and fall.

 _Kara will catch me. She has my back. She always will._

Kara will catch her anytime she needs. Lena isn't afraid to jump with Kara.

They remain quiet as Kara looks back up to the stars in the dark sky.

Lena isn't afraid that night. She puts the pieces of Kara's mystery together.

"So you come from the stars?"

Kara turns to face her with the brightest smile Lena has ever seen, and she has to remind herself that it's night time, but it feels like Kara is lighting the whole city up.

Kara explains things Lena is not sure she completely understands, and yet, it makes more sense than ever. She talks and talks and Lena thinks they might be here the whole night because Lena never stops listening.

Kara tells her about Krypton, a planet now lost to the stars. She tells her about who she is, what has forged her into the almost woman she now is.

After she's done talking, she simply looks at Lena, and waits for a reaction, any reaction.

Lena swallows hard, takes it all in. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, Kara is still looking at her expectantly, anxiously.

"That explains a lot."

Lena starts laughing and Kara joins in too, even though they're not sure why they're both laughing this hard.

Lena takes Kara's hand, and she takes a deep breath as she realizes how much she's missed the feeling of Kara's hand in her own.

 _I fell for my best friend. Hard._

"I always knew you were special, Kara Danvers," Lena says with a smile.

Kara pulls her closer to her and hugs her tightly.

(But Lena now knows that Kara is always restrained. She can't hold onto something as hard as she can without breaking it, and Lena fully realizes what a burden that must be for the… _alien,_ the Kryptonian.)

Kara lets go, and she harbors that devilish smile, the one she has whenever she's had an 'amazing idea' that will put them both in a lot of troubles.

She jumps, and Lena has to remind herself not to scream.

The Luthor gasps and watches Kara taking off into the night.

She can't stop smiling. Lena feels like she's truly seeing her best friend for the first time. She's seeing all of her, because Kara trusts her enough to show her, and that is worth more than Lena can ever imagine.

Then, the alien lands right next to Lena, softly, carefully, and Lena wonders when was the last time Kara had done this.

(She guesses it's been a long time, from the way Kara grins and bounces all around, as if she's letting go of every restrain she's ever had.)

Kara wants to take her flying.

"Are you crazy?"

Lena is scared, so scared. And yet, with Kara by her side, even her most rational thoughts tell her that she will be safe. So she takes the plunge with her, her arm around the Kryptonian's neck, Kara's arm around her waist, holding her, holding _them_ together.

/

That night with Lena, Kara knows she has been wrong. It has never been about erasing painful memories. It is about creating new, happy ones, making the rest of her life less painful, less smothering.

(She never stops telling Lena about Krypton.)

Kara lands with Lena in a field, a bit outside the city, where Jeremiah used to take her whenever she missed her parents too much.

"It feels good," she says to Lena, breathing with ease and feeling like this huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "To be flying again."

She lays on the grass, and Lena joins her. Kara takes her hand and intertwines their fingers together.

She turns her head to look at Lena. Her best friend. Who is much more than words could ever explain.

Kara props herself up with one elbow and scoots closer to Lena, letting her hand rest on Lena's cheek. She's looking for a sign that Lena doesn't want this. She finds none.

She leans in, grazing her best friend's lips.

This feels just like flying, she thinks.

Kara kisses Lena that night. It's tender, soft, so soft Kara later thinks it was just a dream. But she knows it's not, she knows that that night, she has finally gathered enough courage to kiss the girl she loves.

They share their first kiss, and they never speak of it (not for a long while, at least).

Maybe Kara has been wrong. Maybe Lena never had any feelings for her, but she didn't want to let her down too harshly, so she granted Kara this first – and last – kiss.

Yet, Kara knows in her heart that she hasn't imagined it all. She knows Lena has feelings for her too.

So she waits, and waits.

Nothing ever comes on Lena's part.

Kara thinks it's okay, she's happy to be her best friend. But this feels like a missed opportunity, and Kara doesn't know why.

/

They both go to college. They never lose touch. Lena is the first person Kara texts in the morning, and the last person she calls before going to sleep.

Alex often visits, and Kara loves to go back to Midvale to see Eliza.

Lena never comes back to Midvale though. She always stays in Metropolis, but Kara still manages to see her quite often.

Of course Kara misses seeing her everyday, she misses the slight touches, the reassuring green of her eyes, but hearing her voice is good enough for now.

They never talk about that kiss, and Kara thinks she's made her peace with it. Lena maybe doesn't want to date an alien, or maybe she just doesn't want to date her best friend. Maybe she doesn't want to date Kara at all. Either way, Kara is happy being there for Lena every time she needs it, as a friend.

Kara's phone rings late in the night, and the Kryptonian growls because she hates being woken up so rudely.

She fumbles for her phone on the bedside table, her eyes still closed, and she lets a sigh escape her lips when she hears the loud crunch of her alarm clock breaking. She'll have to buy another one – the fourth just this month.

She finally reaches her phone and looks at the caller ID. Lena.

Kara immediately soothes and she answers with a sleepy voice, running a hand through her messy hair. "Hey, Lee. Everything okay?"

She hears Lena taking in a deep breath. She hears sniffling, and she wonders if Lena's been crying.

"Yeah."

A long pause. Kara gives Lena the time to gather her thoughts – or empty them.

"Yeah, everything's okay. I just really missed your voice."

Kara tries to joke, "We've talked just before you went to sleep."

Lena manages a light chuckle, but it doesn't feel genuine. It's not Lena's carefree laugh that Kara loves so much.

(Okay, so maybe Kara still has romantic feelings for her best friend. Who could blame her though?)

"I… um… I never went to sleep, actually," Lena confesses and Kara tenses up.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kara knows not to rush Lena, but she also wants to make sure the girl is going to be okay.

"My… my mother called."

"Oh," is all Kara can say.

She knows that Lillian calling is always bad news. Lena tries to stay as far away from her as possible, but sometimes it feels like the girl can't escape her family.

"Yeah."

A long sigh on the other end. More sniffling. She's now sure Lena's been crying, and that breaks Kara's heart.

"She said she'd like the three of us to be reunited for Christmas. I told her I already had plans."

Lena hasn't celebrated a single Christmas with the Luthors ever since Lionel Luthor passed away four years ago. She's been celebrating with the Danvers instead, a family – not her own – that has made her feel more welcome in this world than any Luthor ever has, including her own brother – whom, Kara knows, Lena still loves with all her heart.

"What did she say to that?"

Another long pause. A gulp. Kara knows Lena is trying to hold back her tears.

"She didn't say much. She just said she shouldn't be surprised I'm letting her down once again, and she wished me happy holidays."

"Hey, Lee, listen to me."

More sniffling. Kara imagines Lena curled up on her couch, in her empty apartment, and her heart breaks a little more.

"She's trying… she's _getting_ in your head, hoping you feel guilty enough to spend Christmas with her. But you made your choice, Lee. You made the choice that is the safest for you and your well-being. Because you deserve to have happy holidays, Lena. You deserve happiness and good things in life. And you're not letting anyone down. You know how happy I am that you're spending the holidays with us. You know Eliza and Alex love you, and they love to have you home with us."

Kara knows Lena is still crying, but she swears she can almost hear a little smile on the other end.

"I love you, Lee."

She hears Lena choking out a weak, "I love you too, Kara."

Kara decides she's flying to Metropolis right away.

/

Lena receives a text from Kara ten minutes after she hangs up the phone.

 **From Kara – Open your door.**

Lena smiles as she gets up from her couch.

Kara rarely ever flies to her apartment. They're both so incredibly busy with college and everything else going on. But Lena is always happy when she does. Having an alien best friend has many perks.

Lena opens the door and grins as she sees Kara's sleepy hair and she realizes the girl has not even bothered to change, she's still in her PJs.

Lena takes Kara's hand and pulls her inside firmly – even if she knows that with Kara's strength, her firmness doesn't mean much.

"You didn't have to come here."

"Correct," Kara replies with a smug smile and Lena rolls her eyes. "I wanted to. So here I am."

Kara opens her arms in a dramatic way and Lena chuckles, trying to dry what is left of her tears.

"Don't you have morning classes tomorrow?"

Kara seems to remember that yes, indeed, she has morning classes, and her eyes widen. Then, she just shrugs and decides, "I can always skip."

"You never skip," Lena teases as she sits on the couch, legs propped up underneath her.

"You're one to talk," Kara reminds her with a smile as she plops down on the couch, almost knocking them over. "Sorry," she apologizes with a blush.

Lena doesn't want her to apologize. "No, don't. I love how you just let yourself be around me."

She sees Kara's blush and she thinks it must be matching her own.

"Thank you," Lena says, barely above a whisper, but she knows Kara catches it.

"For what?" Her best friend asks, tilting her head to the side, and Lena smiles at this cute dork.

"For always being here when I need you. For making me this happy."

"I'll always have your back, Lena."

/

Kara is now a reporter at Catco, struggling between pleasing her new boss Snapper Carr and saving the day as Supergirl.

Because yes, Kara is done hiding herself to the world.

The world is a messed up place, and two superheroes aren't too much to try and bring a little light to this darkness.

She's still trying to figure out how to keep up with everything, still trying to figure out her place in the world, really.

Alex helps a lot, even though at first, she disagreed about Kara being a superhero.

And Lena… Well Kara hasn't seen Lena in a few days actually. Kara thinks she's been distant ever since she came out as Supergirl, and she'd like to know why. Maybe she's overthinking it.

That day she figures she should drop by during lunch – she knows Lena always forget to eat lunch.

Kara lands on Lena's balcony at the L-Corp building, her hands full of takeout food. Thai, Lena's favorite.

She's dressed as Kara Danvers, she figures she should be more careful, but she thinks Kara Danvers having lunch with Lena Luthor makes more sense than Supergirl having lunch with her, since they technically don't know each other (even though a Super and a Luthor will always have a connection, after what happened with Lex and Superman).

" _Your cousin almost killed my brother."_

" _I know," is all Kara can say, tears filling her eyes, throat clogging up, almost choking her. What could she possibly say that could make any of this better?_

 _Kara doesn't know why but she steps closer to Lena, in an attempt to hold her and keep her whole._

 _(She knows Lena feels as broken as she looks, and Kara can't help but think it's all her fault, even though it's really_ not _, and she hates herself for letting her best friend be hurting this much.)_

 _Then, the unexpected happens and Lena throws her arms around Kara's neck, clutching her fists around the fabric of Kara's shirt, almost tearing it apart, but Kara doesn't care. She wraps her arms around Lena's waist and holds onto her as tightly as she can without hurting her._

" _Take me flying. Anywhere but here."_

 _The words are barely whispered and Kara is thankful for her superhearing._

 _She takes off to that field outside of Midvale, not daring to go back to the town itself, to the beach, to_ their _spot. She figures if anyone needs the stars right now, it's Lena._

 _As soon as Kara lands, Lena crumbles to the floor. Kara kneels before her and holds her as sobs and cries and pain shake off Lena's world._

" _I'm sorry. Lena, I'm so sorry."_

 _It feels like Lena will never stop crying, that she will be swallowed whole by all of this suffering, and Kara feels helpless._

" _How could he do this? How could Lex do this?"_

"Kara?"

Kara is startled by Lena's voice on the balcony and she drops the food. Thanks to her superspeed, she catches it before it falls on the floor. Kara will never let food go to waste so tragically.

"Lena!"

"She said with surprise in her voice for some reason." Lena arches a brow and gives Kara a puzzled look. "Kara, in case you haven't noticed, you landed on my balcony."

"Oh! Right!" Kara adjust her glasses embarrassedly. "Have you eaten yet?"

When Lena shakes her head, Kara smiles and follows the newly nominated CEO of L-Corp inside her office. When Lena had told her she was planning on moving the headquarters of Luthor-Corp – now rebranded L-Corp – to National City, Kara had been thrilled to say the least.

Kara's gaze falls on the couch on one side of the office and she's glad to see it seems to be where Lena is headed.

Kara thinks it's weird Lena still hasn't said anything about the Supergirl thing. No texts, no calls, and now she's not saying a single word.

"So?" Kara starts awkwardly and she's not sure what it is she wants to say exactly.

"So what?" Lena's tone is stern, it's the same tone she uses to speak to her employees or her 'partners' during board meetings.

"So… I don't know. Don't you think we should talk?" Kara tries and she thinks it's worse than she thought.

"About what?"

"I don't know, Lena! Maybe about me being Supergirl?" She snaps and instantly regrets it when she sees Lena's gaze drop to her fidgeting hands. "Look," she tries again, in a softer voice this time. "Lena, I know I said I wouldn't use my powers but… I finally feel good. Like I can finally embrace what I came here, on Earth, to do."

"Which is what exactly?" Lena's head snaps up and Kara is once again taken aback by her harsh tone.

"To protect it, and everyone on this planet."

"So you want to play God like your cousin does?"

Kara opens her mouth but finds she has nothing to say. She's choking on air and her shoulders become painfully heavy.

"Is this really what you think I'm doing?"

Lena's approval matters just as much as Alex's approval. Kara feels like the ground has just been whisked away underneath her feet and she's falling endlessly, and she shouldn't even know what it feels like, because she can _fly_ for Rao's sake, and yet, here she is, feeling like she's spiraling down and no one is there to catch her.

"I don't know, Kara. You tell me."

"I…" Kara removes her glasses and she tries to swap away the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't even know what to say to that."

Lena looks at her with steeled eyes, and Kara feels like she's burning, _her_ , the Girl of Steel. Kara wants to grasp onto something, anything to not feel like she's drowning in her own pain.

"I think you should leave."

Kara looks at her for a good minute, as if she's waiting for Lena to tell her it was just some twisted joke, and she supports her. Lena remains awfully silent, and it's deafening.

(That is saying a lot, considering she's always looking for some peace and quiet to ease her tired ears. Right now, she wishes she could be overwhelmed with loud noises and cars driving away, _anything_ but this awful silence she's faced with.)

She gets up, feeling numb, as if life has just been sucked out of her and for a minute, she's not sure she is even going to be able to fly.

/

Lena has never felt this guilty in her entire life. And she's has to deal with a lot of guilt, dealing with her mother's manipulations and then, later on, with her brother's.

She's never thought she'd feel guilty with Kara. Everything is always so easy with her. But then she's made the choice to reveal herself to the world, as Supergirl, and Lena has flipped a switch inside of her. She likes to tell herself that when she flips that switch, she stops caring, but that's not true. When she flips that switch, she pretends it doesn't affect her anymore and she tries to move on with her life. She never thought she'd have to flip that switch and move on from Kara.

Kara's laughter echoes in her ears like a long lost melody. It hasn't even been a week and Lena feels empty as if she's lost her soul.

Lena reaches for her phone and she looks at her screen for what seems like an eternity. Her lockscreen is a picture Lena took of Kara and her, when they spent their sixth Christmas together. Kara is kissing her cheek and Lena is laughing wholeheartedly.

Lena remembers her conversation with Kara's mom, Eliza, that day.

" _Lena, angel, can I talk to you for a second?"_

" _Of course," Lena says, getting up from the couch where she, Kara and Alex are sitting on, catching up with everything that has been going since they were all reunited._

 _Eliza leads her to the kitchen and Lena wonders what the woman wants to talk to her about._

 _Eliza turns around and faces her, obviously uneasy._

 _Lena is afraid of what's coming next and her chest starts burning as she starts clenching her fists._

" _Lena, you know you're a part of this family, right?"_

 _Lena unclenches her fists and instead of burning, her chest warms up her whole body. She nods, not trusting her voice just yet._

" _I have to ask you this question. Are you and my daughter dating?"_

 _Lena chokes on nothing and she opens her mouth incredulously. "What?"_

" _You've always been close, you and her. But I see the way you look at her, Lena, and I'm pretty sure she looks at you the same way. I know my daughter."_

 _Lena doesn't know how to reply. Obviously, Eliza is wrong and doesn't know Kara as well as she'd like to think. Kara sees her as a friend. She has to, right?_

" _Mrs. Danvers-"_

" _Eliza. Come on, Lena, we've been through this before. Call me Eliza."_

" _Eliza, with all due respect, Kara and I are just friends. Best of friends. I love your daughter very much, and I'll always be there for her, as a friend."_

 _Eliza doesn't seem to buy it, but Lena can't very well tell her she's had feelings for her daughters ever since they were teenagers. Right?_

Lena's phone buzzes and she swaps the text away, not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone right now.

Her eyes fall on the picture once again.

For the first time, Lena realizes that on that picture, it does look like she and Kara are dating.

 _Maybe Eliza was right after all._

Lena shakes her head, as if trying to make that _stupid_ idea go away.

They're friends. Best of friends.

Well… not right now. Not since Kara became Supergirl, everyone else be damned.

There's a knock on her door, and Lena doesn't bother answering.

She doesn't care who it is, she can't deal with it.

She can't deal with anything knowing her best friend hates her.

Another knock.

No, she won't answer.

"Go away!" She shouts to the door, almost desperate, but so, so _angry_.

A loud thud comes from her balcony.

Lena closes her eyes.

Kara.

"I won't go away. Not this time. Not until you tell me why."

Lena opens her eyes again and gets up to face Kara.

The tears in Kara's eyes, the bags under her beautiful blue eyes throw her off. She sees drowning in her eyes, the same drowning she's experienced since she last saw her. Lena never thought she'd witness the ocean drowning.

"What do you wanna hear, Kara?"

"Why my best friend suddenly acts like she hates me!"

Lena holds back a sob and she has to squeeze her eyes shut, hoping she's going to disappear forever, or that all of this will turn out to just be a bad dream.

"I don't hate you, Kara. But I am a Luthor, and you chose to be a Super."

Lies. Lies. Lies.

"Oh really? You're throwing this at me?"

Lena opens her eyes and faces Kara again.

"It's the truth, Kara, whether you're ready to admit it or not."

"So you're saying everyone was right? A Luthor and a Super can never be friends?"

Lena grows quiet. Is this really what she's saying? She realizes it is. She snaps. "That's not why!"

"Then why would you give up on me?"

"Kara…"

"Tell me why."

She will never give up on Kara. She can't. But she's so _scared_.

"Tell my why, Lena, after years of friendship, after every hug, every panic attack, every look we ever shared, tell me why you're willing to throw all of this away in a heartbeat because I chose to finally embrace who I am."

Lena doesn't need to look at Kara to know she's crying, and she can't stop her own tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"You've been my rock since I got here, Lena. You've always supported me in my decisions, you've always had my back. So tell me what's changed. Look at me, Lena, and tell me why you're breaking your promi-"

"I've already lost way too much in this life, Kara! I can't lose you too!" She hasn't meant to yell. She hasn't meant to be the cause of Kara's pain. All she ever wanted was to protect her (and she realizes how absurd that sounds because how could a simple _human_ like her protect an all mighty Kryptonian?). "Kara, I just can't. I can't take it."

Kara's next to her in a heartbeat but Lena pushes her away. She's crying and she's drowning, but she somehow finds the strength to speak. "Every time I turned on the news this week, I would see you in that blue and red suit and I couldn't _breathe_ , Kara. I couldn't breathe because now it's like you have that constant threat on your life hovering above your head and I can't do anything about it because you're willingly throwing yourself in the face of danger! You might be bulletproof, Kara, but you're not invincible. What happens when someone finds your weaknesses? I'm not sure I could ever survive losing you."

Lena chokes on the last words and she finally accepts Kara's embrace, falling apart in her arms.

Kara stays silent for a long while, and Lena cries, she cries so much, and Kara remains right by her side, holding her in her strong arms the entire time.

She's so scared Kara is going to get hurt or worse that she thought she should let the woman go to avoid getting hurt, without realizing swapping Kara out of her life is like sucking all the light out of her darkness.

She realizes she's made a huge mistake, and she's so incredibly grateful because Kara is still _here_ , right here, holding her together even though she feels so broken she's not sure how she's even still alive.

Kara's voice is soft in her ears, and she feels her warm breath against her neck, the Kryptonian's hand stroking her cheek.

"You won't lose me, Lena. I made you a promise. I'll _always_ have your back. I'm not leaving you, _ever_. You're stuck with me, like it or not."

Lena chuckles and she chokes because it's all too overwhelming and she thinks she's going to faint.

Kara must realize the powerful CEO can't stand and she lifts them up ever so slightly, floating to Lena's bed, but Lena barely even registers what's happening as she feels the softness of the pillows against her cheek.

Kara's face is fading away and Lena is afraid she might leave her. She reaches out and her hand is only met by her bedside table until she feels Kara's fingers finding her own.

"Stay," Lena whispers, almost _begging_.

"Of course. I told you, I'm not leaving."

Lena feels the crease of her mattress and with her eyes closed, she scoots closer to the other woman, trying to take in a bit of her warmth.

She doesn't even have to ask, Kara's arms are wrapped around her body in an instant, and for the first time that week, Lena genuinely smiles, and maybe, just maybe, she can fall asleep peacefully.

"I love you, Kara Zor-El."

"I love you too, Lee."

"No I mean, I'm in love with you."

Lena barely hears Kara's soft reply before drifting off to sleep.

"I'm in love with you too. I have been for as long as I can remember."

/

Lena wakes up the next morning, feeling fully rested for the first time in… she can't even remember in how long. She instantly squeezes the hands on her stomach that are not her own.

She smiles.

Kara is still here.

 _I'm not leaving._

Kara is so strong. Lena realizes she's been foolish to even think for a minute she wouldn't be able to handle herself.

It doesn't mean Lena won't do everything in her power to protect her, though. She knows Alex and her not so secret governmental agency is going to do the same.

She remembers confessing her feelings to her best friend the previous night, and she can't really explain it, but she's not freaking out like she usually would be. She feels so calm, so quiet, and she knows Kara will be here no matter what.

Lena turns around and tries not to wake the other girl up.

(She fails, but she's not sorry because she's greeted by the most beautiful sleepy smile she's ever seen.)

"Hey," Kara's raspy morning voice greets her.

"Hi," Lena replies with a smile, playing with Kara's fingers.

Kara frees one of her hands to trace her finger over Lena's jawline, making the CEO blush a bright red.

"Hi," Kara breathes out.

Lena laughs. "I believe you already said that."

Kara's cheeks turn the cutest shade of pink.

Lena thinks back to the previous night and grins. She was afraid she'd lose her best friend, and yet, here they are, in each other's arms, enjoying the peace and quiet of a Saturday morning.

Lena's face falters when she thinks back to their first kiss years ago, when they were just teenagers, and she feels angry at herself for all the time they've waisted trying to shut off their feelings for one another.

"What's on your mind?" Kara asks.

Of course Kara noticed. Kara notices everything.

(Lena used to be anxious that she couldn't hide anything from her, but quickly, she found that there was nothing she wanted to hide from her.)

Kara's looking at her as if Lena is her sun, but Lena's never been one to be the light in people's lives.

"You kissed me, once," Lena states matter-of-factly.

Kara simply nods. "Mmh."

"Then you… we both pretended it never happened."

Kara's finger stills on her face, and the Kryptonian props herself up on her elbow, looking a bit stunned in Lena's direction. Lena thinks she wasn't expecting that, to be honest, Lena wasn't either.

"Because I thought that was what you wanted."

Lena frowns.

"You kissed me. I kissed you back. But when you didn't mention it at all, I thought you felt it was a mistake, so you just pretended it never happened."

"No," Kara explains softly, dropping a kiss on Lena's shoulder. "I was actually waiting for you to make a move, or bring it up, but you never did."

"Oh." Lena chuckles and looks at Kara fondly. "Sounds like you and I need to talk about this more often then," she says with a crooked smile. "Us."

"Us," Kara repeats with a grin, as if testing the way the word rolls off her tongue. She leans in to graze Lena's lips. "I like the sound of that."

Lena shares her second kiss with her no-longer-best-friend that morning, and Kara's lips are just as soft as she remembers.

When they break apart, Kara looks like she's about to tell her this life changing secret (and Lena would know, how Kara looks when she's about to do that).

"I love you, Lena Luthor."

Lena shakes her head, as if she doesn't want to believe it (and maybe she doesn't, not fully, not just yet). After Lex's betrayal, she knows no one has said those words and meant them. But this is Kara, of course she means them. How could she not? After everything they've been through together, Kara could never lie to her. Still, Lena can't quite let go of that anguish inside of her, like a slight pang in her chest telling her to wait and see.

But Lena is done waiting. She'd been waiting after their first kiss, and that had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

Lena thinks she might have been lost in her thoughts for too long, because when she finally looks up, Kara is giving her this sad yet hopeful look and she takes Lena's hand in her own.

"You're my yellow sun, Lena. You give me strength. You've always pushed me to be the better version of myself. You've always been by my side. I need you, Lena Luthor. I love you. Now and forever."

"I love you too, Kara."

Yes, Lena is done waiting.

/

"Lee! We're gonna be late!"

"Kara, you're the one who insisted we shower together to 'save us some time and spare some water'."

Lena hears Kara muttering under her breath and she smiles fondly.

Her girlfriend finally comes out of the kitchen, a pancake still in her mouth.

"Kara," Lena scolds, but her half smile betrays her. "We're literally going to eat all day at your mom's house."

"Hey, I am an alien after all."

Kara flashes her this goofy smile of hers and Lena laughs as she kisses her.

"Mmh, who would have thought? A Super and a Luthor being in love."

* * *

 **A/N: I'd really like to hear your thoughts about this**

 **also, come and yell at me on tumblr at commanderofcandles**


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